Because it's ok

I was talking to a friend earlier about something she had just gone through involving a guy. Basically, she held her ground and decided that what he was offering was not up to her standards and she let him know. Afterwards, it was a downhill battle of taming her emotions and me assuring her that she had indeed done the right thing. Side note: I hate that we're thousands of miles away from each other because this is definitely one of those times where I want to be by her side with a big bottle of wine and something good to eat so that we could male bash:-)

After our call, it got me to thinking about a situation I'm going through (or was). I've shared a little about an ex that played a huge role in my life. I mean HUGE! For the past 11yrs, I've been struggling to erase feelings that I've had for him and our past. It's hard. VERY hard, but I make it through mostly in part because I have a wonderful husband that swooped in immediately after that breakup and literally told me that he would never leave me. Even through all of my mess/baggage I had/have from my ex, his promise hasn't waivered. But after all of that time, shouldn't those feelings be gone???

Let's go back to that friend of mine... She repeatedly said she feels so stupid since they've only been talking for a few months. I mean, she was beating herself up without the help of anyone else.


Here's my theory, we've been programmed to think that certain things aren't worthy of our time and energy. You know, the time we put into feeling "some type of way"... I disagree. I think we first have to evaluate where these feelings are really steaming from. For her, I think she misses companionship and really thought this guy was the one. In my opinion, it's not even the guy she's hurt about not having, but more so the "once again, I have to start over" feeling. That sucks, right? Right! After a week or so, it's time for
 her to get over that, right? I mean really, they didn't have time to get all that serious anyway... But that WAS enough time for her feelings to be valid and it's ok for her to take all the time she needs to pick herself up and move on.

Back to me and my ELEVEN YEARS timeframe. Surely that's enough time to get over an ex, right? I mean COME ON... He's married, I'm married, and we're both happy. So why can't I just move the hell on? Well, my feelings are deeply invested in that boy. He was my first love. We shared a lot of firsts together and the memories that were made are some of the best times of my life! Does that count against my husband? Definitely not because I can say the same for us! But I'm at the point now that I'm tired of trying everything to " GET OVER" my ex. I don't want to be over him or what we had because you know what? It helped shape who I am today. Every. Single. Bit.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because there is someone out there 
that needs to know it's "O fucking K". Everything that you're feeling is ok. It's ok to feel, but it's not ok to pause your life because of a few heartaches. We are suppose to feel, but we're not suppose to be stuck in those feelings. When we are "stuck" in the feelings, we're not allowing ourselves to move on. For 11 years, I was STUCK in those feelings. Today I'm allowing myself to feel them and I'm assuring myself that it's ok, but I'm also allowing myself to finally move on. Accept and appreciate what was while keeping it close to your heart, but allow your heart to receive and appreciate what's truly out there for you.

Hope that makes sense!

Stay inspired ladies,


Tanisha Corporal said...

i needed to read this....seriously. My son is eleven. his dad , um well, you get it....i needed to read this.

sylv said...

This makes perfect sense!! I, and probably many others, have struggled with the same situation. It's important for people struggling with these feelings to know that it IS "O fucking K"! Thanks for this article girl!

Kitanya Myers Jean-Louis said...

Totally understand and agree. I'm going through this now. It's hard but in taking it one day at a time.

Brandi said...

Beautiful post, L! And so relatable! I know a few people in my life who could benefit from your words.

Shavonda Gardner said...

Such a great post Lakeitha. I love the honesty in it. Accepting that its ok is truly powerful and healing:)

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