Before I go any further, allow me to share some background facts about my voyage to becoming a stay at home mom.
2004
Found out I was pregnant.
Not sure what that meant as far as becoming a mom.
I knew I wasn't ready.
Never planned on having kids (especially at 21).
gave birth to my son in November.
Became overwhelmed quickly.
felt as if I had to protect him
Neglected myself
Neglected my husband
Friends neglected me
2005
started to get the hang of things
went back to school
went back to work
decided i couldn't leave my son 5 days a week at his young age
became a stay at home mom when he was 7 months
found out I was pregnant.... AGAIN
Depression knocked at the door
I opened the door
Depression made itself at home
started to hate my life
resented my husband
and my kids
but, mostly myself for allowing this to happen
wanted to give up
felt alone
know one took me serious (about being depressed)
Started to doubt myself (about being depressed)
Stopped talking about being depressed (didn't want people to think I was crazy)
Became more depressed
2006
Son was born
LOVED my son
HATED my life
still resented my husband and the fact that he still had his sanity and job
started taking online classes
that didn't work for long
resented my husband more for that
2007
things were going well (thanks to a new found Friend)
planned a vow renewal with husband (yes the one I resented!)
had a REALLY nice vow renewal in July
Found out I was pregnant is August
By this time, I was already sure that my life was over anyway so whatever
2008
purchased our home
use the house to clear my mind
painted kitchen red
painted cabinets white
painted powder room green
painted bedroom a creamy white
changed mind on bedroom color then went beige
gave birth to my third son (yes, after I painted those rooms)
planned a house warming party
Did I mention that I had 3 c-sections? oh, and gained a bunch of weight?
Anyway, had to prepare for house warming
painted some more
2009
Things were going okay
became overwhelmed again
this time with taking care of a home, kids, and husband
started my blog
school was a no go
2010
things are better!
If you are still reading this, I'm getting to the point now! I want to add little snippets of my life and my adventures of being a stay at home mom. I want to ask for advice from you guys from time to time. I started this blog as an outlet for me to possibly connect with other "ADULTS". the other day a friend asked me how I do it being a stay at home mom for almost 6 years to 3 children and still have my sanity. I honestly don't know how I've made it this far, but what I do now is I read a lot and it helps. For instance, right now I'm reading this book
I swear, I can relate to everything in this book. Really! It helps me to look at life and parenting differently. I realized that there are other moms that have gone or go through the SAME. EXACT. THINGS!
Now, about my husband, I'm reading this book
This book helped me to look at myself and by doing that I was able to see Tony differently. Our relationship has been so much better (and I'm the only one reading the book). Actually, this book has helped me with relationships in general.
Basically what I'm getting at here is do you mind if I squeeze in a few of my "life moments" on this here blog? I promise I will not talk about religion or politics. Just my crazy life of being a homebody!
***SIDE NOTE***
I was not asked to give my opinions of these books. I am not being paid to do this AT ALL! I just wanted to share what has helped me.
21 comments:
Well good for you for still having your sanity! I didn't become a mom until I had a lot of years thinking mostly about myself and my career, can't imagine having children so young. Still, it was an adjustment...I think it must always be, for most of us. Hang in there and I know you are on the right path! Three boys, lordy, someone give you a metal!
Janell
LaKeitha, when you reread this post I hope you do see that you have strength beyond measure. I experienced some of the same feelings of resentment towards my husband when I became a stay at home mom, but as you say things get better. I admire your transparency and know that you openness will help someone else in a similar position. In the meantime, know that you don't have to go it alone. I'm always here for you when you want to talk (and vice versa) You have the number...hugs!
P.S. You are doing a great job with your three boys. Raising THREE young men is no small feat *bowing down*
@Erika, I completely agree and respect your true heart & honesty! Lakeitha, life is like a box of chocolate, you really don't know what to expect. We must all play the cards, GOD has dealt us. Of course, we have made mistakes and done things "out of order" or in our timing and not his. But thank GOD for forgiveness and friends! When I stayed home, I thought how wonderful. But when the baby turned 2, I got "over things quickly". And my husband's expectation became more and more by the day! Because he truly had no idea about what my days were like. I can remember watching the View and realizing gosh..it's time for lunch and another nap for the baby. Then once my soaps were done, it was time to cook dinner. I felt like my Logistic Degree and Masters Degree were NOTHING><! I just knew I had become Holly Homemaker and got depressed and lost in my families world, but didn't have a spot for myself. And that's when I found myself at a place ...that I wasn't proud of. So I immediately had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with HIM, then my husband, and wrote down a Strategic Plan for my life..while GOD does his plan. And that still didn't work. Botton line, is that everyday is a new day, and take no thoughts for tomorrow. He is in control, take this time to allow GOD to show up and show out in your life! And in the mean time, come up with a firm schedule for you and your family & pencil in some time just for you! And I love all the books your reading, because it gives you time to rethink things a little slower and process things! And don't be so hard on yourself...this to shall pass. And it's easier said than done, trust me, I've been medicated (LOL)! But the fact that you are being real with yourself & your friends (the bloggers) it's wonderful, simply because your able to get things off your chest! So please squeeze in your Life's Moments because you can and will bless others by your own testimony. Honestly, that's what the BLOG world does to me, it encourages me to do me and not be afraid to let my "lack there of" creative spirit! Love Ya Seal...
Hi Lakeitha, its so great your sharing your personal story. I can relate to you. We had our son at a young age I was 20 my husband (bf) at the time was just a month shy of 20. I've always worked since ft since our son was 9mos old, its been a huge stress point for me never thinking I was doing my best since I work fulltime, motherhood is a both a blessing and challenge. I'm proud to say now, we are raising a well adjusted child who is smart, artistic and has an awesome vocab and heart! your boys are blessed to have you! raising one alone is ton of work, can't imagine three! Hang in there it does get easyier, boys are easier as they get older! Wow I wrote you a book! lol
PS: I'll have to check out the Love Dare, thanks!
I love this post and the way you expressed your feelings in it. I know so many can identify with what you wrote! Glad your sanity is back!
This was such a great post, Lakeitha! I liked it because it's honest (not that your other ones aren't but this is honest in a very personal way) and very much a reflection of what's going on in your life right now, especially with the boys getting ready to go back to school and what that means for you. I have told you before, I don't know how you do it! I couldn't imagine having 3 kids under 6, and you are always SO PATIENT with them. I can hear you saying "no", but I told you how I'd be, lol.
I definitely think you should share more of your life and your day-today experiences. I can't personally relate, since I'm not a mom, but I enjoy hearing your perspective and seeing things through your eyes.
btw, this was kind of funny "I was already sure that my life was over anyway so whatever". i could hear you saying that!
that should be "day-to-day" . . .
Well...I can relate. Anytime you need an ear, you see you have it...you have met alot of people on the blog. At least for you they are in your area! It takes time...trust me. YOur doing great!
Hi Lakeitha,
I found your blog through Janell's and have been reading for a few months now... or has it been longer? Anyway, this is my first time leaving a comment; I just had to tell you that your post was, as others have said, so open and honest, and yes, I think it would be wonderful for you to add personal stories from time to time. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, and it doesn't need to be limited to design-related things, if you don't want it to be. Congrats on everything you've done so far, both design-wise and other-wise, and look forward to reading more.
I love this! It's funny, I wanted to be a stay at home mom, I can't have children. But I know what it's like to feel like something is over! One thing is for sure, you and your husband are loving each other (3 kids!) and you are committed to being a family. That alone made me want to cry. You're doing the damm thing!
Honey, don't worry..you're living life, your honest and most of all, you have three mini bundles of energy that remind you in the end, it was worth it!
Keep it going...you're gonna be alright! : )
We all have our time and place, and looks like you've found yours. Your doing and awesome job. Keep up the good work.
I.KNOW.YOUR.PAIN. I had my son at 17!! Thankfully it was after I graduated high school & started college classes . I some how managed to continue college full time and work full time. Yeah, that caved in on me 3 years later, as well as the relationship I was in. Now I am a stay at home momma (in the boonies) and it sucks. I don't know how you do it. Please spill some more tips on dealing with this type of life!!!!
And might I add, I had my 2nd child 5 years later. You had 3 gorgeous boys in a short span of time. You managed to make a home & keep a happy house. That blows my mind!! I wish I would've had my kids closer. I think their relationship would've been tighter. Okay I'm done blog stalking now :)
Sometimes being a 'mom' is the hardest job we PLACE on ourselves. We feel as if there are some mighty big shoes to fill. I know it took me many years to 'relax' in my mommy role!
Regarding The Love Dare. Read the book. LOVE it. Love the movie too!
Lakeitha, thanks for opening your heart to us! As said by so many, you are an awesome woman to be raising three boys. Your presence in their daily life will make all the difference when they transition to becoming young men.
Don't worry about school and careers, it will all be there when you're ready. Right now you're doing the most important job you'll ever have. Hang in there and know you're not alone:)
Lisa
Hi Lakeitha, just discovered your blog and really admire your honesty. I had my son at 21 and he's 20 now. The great thing is most people think he's my brother. Enjoy your children as I'm sure you're doing. They really grow up quickly. God Bless.
Hi Lakeitha, I started following your blog a couple of months ago and I am always amazed at how you seem to handle it all! God has truly blessed you. You have three cute little boys, a supportive husband (he went along with the chandelier in the bedroom...lol)and a lovely house that you take pride in making a home. Keep doing you because it's working. And, I am reading the Love Dare as well. Stay blessed!
Share away, I think it is great that blogging is your outlet and reading. P.S. Plus, I need all the advise I can get. That is why I have been MIA from blogging since Feb.
Thanks for the post. IT is post like these that upholds your intergrity and also helps many that you don't know if they are reading or just checking out the pics.
-bc
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