Hi guys! Do you mind if I take a moment to talk about a conversation I had with someone the other day? If you do, I promise to post pictures of my duvet that arrived the other day a Little bit later! But, for now I would like to get your opinions on this matter.
I was talking the other day to someone and my independence came up. Basically that person said that all they want for me someday is for me to have my independence back. This statement really struck a nerve with me only because I never thought I lost my independence to begin with! Their statement was based upon the fact that I'm a stay at home mom and because financially, my husband is the only one bringing in the "dough". When I made the decision to stay home, it was because I wanted to watch my son grow up. I wanted to be the one he came to for comfort. I didn't think twice about what I was giving up because in my opinion I had two options: go to work 5 days a week and only be able to give my son dinner and a bath before I had to put him down for bed and start the next day over, or be there with him. That was easy. I could always have a career, but I would never get that time back that I was losing with my son.
Being a stay at home mom has challenged me in ways that no type of job or schooling has. Actually, I think it has strengthened me in a way that nothing else could. I like to think of my choice to be a stay at home mom was leaving one job for another. The difference being one job I'd never get a pink slip from. One job that no matter how bad the economy is, I'll never be laid off or not needed as much (although sometimes I wish!). It takes a strong woman or man to stay home with children and maintain a household. Its funny that other women would look down upon or think less of another woman for making a decision like the one I did. Especially if its something that they've tried before and simply couldn't handle it.
Do I feel like I'm missing out on anything? Sometimes. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of adult conversation mostly! I miss being able to have lunch with other women 5 days a week and talk about fashion.
Do I miss making my "own" money? Yes. But, if I had to work now, I would be covering childcare, gas, food, etc... We are in a place now when it comes to money that makes us think more about our spending. Do I get to go and buy that new pair of Donald Pliner boots that I once could? No, but I don't miss that too much either because my last pair is sitting in my Goodwill pile as I type!
Another concern f theirs is the "what if" factor. What if he (my husband) leaves me? Then I won't have anything to fall back on.No job, little money, and three kids. But, what if I get fired from a job? I won't have anything to fall back on either. The difference between the two is that there is a judge that would most likely grant me some type of support from him until I found a job. Whereas, if I was fired or let go from a job, I could or could not get help. And another thing about this is I don't sit around wondering weather or not my husband is going to leave me (who does that?). The same way I wouldn't go to work everyday wondering if I'm going to get laid off. Yes, things happen, but you can only deal with them when they happen.
What I'm getting at here is this: Those of you that plan or do stay home with your children, don't let what other people say discourage you. There are a lot of people that speak out of term or out of ignorance because either it didn't work for them, couldn't work for them, or it simply wasn't for them. And that's OK. But, if I would have had this conversation years ago, I would have been miserable. I would have felt like I was dependent and needy and worthless. I did actually, without anyone saying it. I think once you make a decision that is best for you and your family, anyone outside of your four walls don't matter. And what they say is irrelevant. What I like to say when I'm given advice or input that was not asked for is "I'm sorry you feel like that" and keep it moving!
Have any of you experienced anything similar? Do you have a story to share with me? Or you simply want to get something off your chest? Let me hear it!
I'll post pictures of my duvet as soon as I put the boys down for their nap;-)